Travelogue

Its that time of the year again, when I wish to choose a life of anonymity and want to be known as energy-- neither by my name, nor caste, nor my sexual preferences, liking, or anything else.

For the same, like always, all I'd thought of was wearing a garb of no one hoping to be lost in a place of multitude. Usually, there used to be many thoughts in the arena of achieving this life of nobody (yes strange I am that when people wish to become somebody, I wish to be known as a nobody) and all I would do is lie in my bed waiting for days to pass and nights to set in where no light would flash on me from anywhere (not that I am a celebrity but even the minuscule acknowledgement of anything puts me in a discomfort for the fact that there would then come the viscous circle of desire=expectation=fear=unrest=not at peace with your ownself). Also the whole gamut of criticism and appreciation lands me in a discomfort for the fact that the two affect me or rather anyone and takes the person away from his/her original self.

So after much contemplation or rather trusting my impulsion and intuition, I'd thought about what I could do to break this chain, and so am choosing to do something which I have never done so heroically before-- write my own travelogue.

By far journey of life has been more of a roller coaster ride while small journeys to places with someone, for work or something else have been for a purpose. My travelogue this time is totally my own, without judgement of others, without anyone, just my own, without a purpose and without a destiny.

Yes, a few who I have told about it call it an adventure but to me its as important as food for life or air to breathe. The journey is my attempt to detach myself from the luring of the world for more, from good (according to them), from success (as they define), from moolah and materialism.

Life has always been living on the edge for me, be it at home, work or anywhere else. Struggling and juggling, as if these are the only two purpose GOD has sent me to this world for. With questions less concrete and answers not even remotely known, I am heading for Rajasthan (dun ask me why I chose it or more 'coz analysis of it is something I would not want to do at all.)

Heading to the places I have not seen or been before, people who I have never met or any kind of unfamiliarity does not scare me even a bit. Strangely I feel that I'm heading home...to where I belong...its a feeling less explicable

 I don't know where I belong but strangely feel that I would find all the answers to my life on this journey, feel that all the complexities that I am engtangled in my everyday life would become comprehensible.

I feel all that I long for in this so called self-fulfilled life that I am leading would be met on my journey to this not so far land....

All I have to is wait for the train to stop...

(The post was written on the 6th of Dec, 2010 and courageously published today!)